The longer I have such a close relationship with Darin, the more blown away I am…
by the chance I would have missed the depth of who he is!
I truly believe that if I had not removed him from school in Fall 2018 and found his best life at home, I would have missed a lot of HIM.
Thank you, Lord, for bringing him home!
Now for the story that brings me here today:
I stayed overnight at the hospital this week. Darin & Joel dropped me at the ER midday Tuesday, and they picked me up after lunch Wednesday. Darin FaceTimed with me in the middle and seemed okay.
But when I crashed about 5pm Wednesday and decided to go to bed, he went to bed with me. I realized he must be emotionally drained too.
On Thursday I left early for my eye appt & Arabella’s birthday shopping, and so I didn’t see Darin before he went to Mamaw’s for the day. When it was time to came home, he called and asked me to pick him up. Joel was out and about and Mamaw’s was willing to bring him home, so I asked him to get a ride from either of them. He wasn’t happy but Mamaw was able to drive him home.
That evening, I left with Bella for her party at the Studio Movie Grill. When I went back inside for something, I noticed Darin was watching the car out the window. And when we left, he fell apart. Joel called me in the car on FaceTime, and I assured Darin we would be coming home after the party and he calmed down.
Today, he had earned an Echo Dot and Joel ordered it for curbside pickup. When he told Darin it was time to go get it, Darin insisted Joel go without him, that he needed to stay with me. We didn’t insist he go. He seemed reluctant to leave me. But then he got dressed and went along.
This evening went on with family party festivities, and after everyone left, Darin was jumping on the trampoline in the living room, listening to his headphones, while Joel, Arabella, and I watched television. All of the sudden, Darin stared wailing. It was so immense and sudden I thought he must have hurt something while jumping. When I crawled onto the trampoline, the wailing stayed very intense. I asked if he was hurt. I asked if he was sad. I asked if he was in pain. Each question got a slight shake of the head. After a minute, I asked if this because I was gone the other night. He nodded. I hugged him as he wailed a few more minutes. Then he sat back, said I’m okay, and relaxed.
His emotions come at such a different speed from the norm, but they are just as intense and deep as anyone else might experience.
I love getting to understand him more each day to appreciate the depth of who he is.
As I’ve mentioned before, the gift of this strange time is spending time with my kids.
Often, I look back at the day, and think “I bet this is how a day is for lots of stay-at-home toddlers.”
It’s a gift of a do over.
When my kids were toddlers, I worked full-time as soon as they could go to the Rise school (at about 1 yr old). I squeezed as much work into 9a-2p, then I raced from therapy to therapy while taking phone calls for work. Upon getting home, it was all the working moms’ hussle of dinner, laundry, baths, rinse and repeat.
I wasn’t good at playing with them. I’m a busy body. Play is stillness.
But right now is different. I wake up with anxiety that only stillness can calm. And the best things I have found to feel peace are prayer and time with Darin.
Watching him is seeing answered prayers.
There were years he was sooooooo hard to care for. He didn’t know how to play. He didn’t know how to talk. He was chaos walking.
And now he’s my joy.
He helps me play and relax.
He folds back my table runner to eat.
He makes my day beautiful. He represents the hindsight of God’s work in my life.
Today was my first time to meet up with Tammi for breakfast since this all started… La Madeleine like before, but we ordered inside with masks on, and then sat outside.
It was great to feel closer to normal.
I’m hopeful that articles I’ve read about COVID-19 contagion that say the highest risk is in an enclosed space over an extended time, and the outdoors are the lowest risk. It makes sense to me, so I will keep trying to see people outside as much as possible (even though it’s getting so hot) and avoiding long stays indoors with other people.