I’m pretty down right now. And I feel bad about being down.
Honestly, I love each part of my life… being a wife, being a mom, being a churchplanter, being a case manager.
But I can’t handle doing them all mediocre. I am falling apart.
The worst part is the lack of options. I don’t know of a break from any of them…

Tonight, people were at my house, which normal energizes me, and really it just frustrated me… I need about 48 hours of alone, getting caught up time; then I need 48 hours to re-connect with my husband, who I am being a total jerk to; then I need about a year to figure out the educational strategy for each of my kids and all the special therapies and supplements that will help them develop the best.

The only idea I have is to check out for a month – simply stop participating in life outside my home. I started working on this about a week ago when I felt the darkness closing in. I have asked some of my princesses to take on some of the responsibility of Girl’s Night Out which is hard for me to do since I LOVE IT, and I am seeing real relationships develop between the girls.

God, I have to take my hands out of it, and count on You to hold it all together. I can’t anymore.

Most pathetic thing is tomorrow is my birthday, and I am so overwhelmed that my birthday dinner feels like a burden. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day…

And Tammi moves to Nairobi on Monday.


4 responses to “Down…

  1. oh sweet girl how much you are loved…you have carried many things for a long time (and have done well at it) and it has inspired me more than words can say. You are a blessing to everyone that comes in contact with you. I know you are overwhelmed and I will pray for peace.


  2. ok lover, what do you need me to do? Do you want me to move in for a month and be your nanny? i dont go to school til one on monday and tuesdays (til eight) and i nanny wed-fri from 3 to 7. please i really want to help you anyway i can. DOnt hesitate asking for anything. i dont know if my login will work so this is betha

  3. Betha, that is so sweet. Honestly, I don’t know where to accept the help, but just knowing it is there helps. love you!

  4. I am so sad that you are feeling so down and overwhelmed. I have been feeling the same way lately. Is it a mom thing that we take so much on ourselves and try to do evrything?

    I had a great time at your birthday dinner tonight. I hope that you enjoyed it too!

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