Taking a chance…

Man, I haven’t really blogged in so long… except the little public-service announcements below…
I think I’ll take a chance that no one really reads this, and I can say what I feel…maybe for the eyes of those far away who love me from afar.

I’m in a funk. Not a “had-a-bad-day” funk, but a lost funk. I just found myself – my super-obsessive-compulsive-clean-til-you-drop-or-it-is-done (and it’s never done) self – standing in the laundry room, staring at the laundry in the dryer thinking, “why bother?”

I’m tired.

I’m a little confused.

I’m frustrated. I thought that when it all came together with Basilica, I would feel relieved. Instead, I feel left out. Like I’ve spent to much time putting it all together to be included.

Man, why can’t I ever just be content?

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4 responses to “Taking a chance…

  1. well my dear… in my experience it’s not a matter of contentment. you were not created to be content in this place and though we live redeemed lives, flesh and soul put right… we still even in our flesh can yearn to be at home in heaven with our Father. some quiet part of us calls out to be there. my mantra in the why bother? days is that sometimes it simply takes courage to do the dishes. i don’t know but it just does. so i try to be courageous.

    i love you lady.

  2. Shanti,
    I am one of those who loves you from afar and still checks in to see how you are doing!
    your post describes exactly how I am currently feeling (and have been for awhile)

    I will be praying for you!

    Love you!
    Kristen Garrison

  3. I am going to actually write you on myspace because I don’t know how public my response should be…just know I feel for you and feel very close to this funk your in!

  4. this is a better response…

    My soul, praise the LORD,and all that is within me, praise His holy name. My soul, praise the LORD, and do not forget all His benefits. He forgives all your sin; He heals all your diseases. He redeems your life from the Pit; He crowns you with faithful love and compassion. He satisfies you with goodness; your youth is renewed like the eagle. The LORD executes acts of righteousness and justice for all the oppressed. He revealed His ways to Moses, His deeds to the people of Israel. The LORD is compassionate and gracious,slow to anger and full of faithful love. He will not always accuse us or be angry forever. He has not dealt with us as our sins deserve or repaid us according to our offenses. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His faithful love toward those who fear Him. As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him. For He knows what we are made of, remembering that we are dust. As for man, his days are like grass— he blooms like a flower of the field; when the wind passes over it, it vanishes, and its place is no longer known. But from eternity to eternity the LORD’S faithful love is toward those who fear Him, and His righteousness toward the grandchildren of those who keep His covenant, who remember to observe His instructions. The LORD has established His throne in heaven, and His kingdom rules over all. Praise the LORD, all His angels of great strength, who do His word, obedient to His command. Praise the LORD, all His armies, His servants who do His will. Praise the LORD, all His works in all the places where He rules. My soul, praise the LORD! – Psalm 103

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