Processing

So, we had a 'ministry meeting' last night with some Basilica folks,
to discuss the state of the ministry…
I think it was good for me, if not them. We haven't done one in
awhile, and I dreaded it, because I knew I had a lot of confused
feelings toward our church. But since I started trying to express
them, I think it helped me realize a few things.
1. I wore myself out in the 1st 1.5 yrs of Basilica.
2. I thought I was angry with God… But I have prayed about this a
ton, and never really feel like this description fits…. Now I think
that I feel like I've been a disappointment to Him.
3. I am empty and don't know how to refill.

But a positive thing I realized is that drawing people to Christ is
still my only hope.

I'm having a lot of trouble putting myself out there anymore. It's
been really hard to disciple so many who have walked away from Him,
after they really got serious.

It's hard to be a pastor's wife… It feels like everything anyone
says about Basilica is about you. When I hear someone felt neglected
or left out, I internalize it, and worry about how I should have spent
my time.
I am trying to feel satisfied that I answered each time God led me….
But that is hard.

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One response to “Processing

  1. thanks for sharing.. i def relate to #2 on your list and feel like that is a constant lie i am having to fight (feeling like i am disappointing God).

    we live in a weird state, awful sinners while at the same time justified saints. it’s hard for me to understand at times, and how God has loved us while we were yet sinners!

    anywho… ya know i love ya!

    “Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence.” Psalm 42:5

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