Deep vs wide

Lots of the time, I feel like I’m experiencing a different world that other people. Things that other people love are really uncomfortable for me.

I don’t know why. Or how to change it.

I love to know a lot about a subject – a friend, a hobby, a situation. Because of this, I think, I’ve always had about 3 good friends at a time. And I was confused when people could know tons of people a little bit, but still call them “friends”. I would think, “but y’all barely ever talk.” Friendship for me requires intense intimacy. I call this a desire for depth.

Recently, the place this causes distress for me is large social events. I don’t feel interested or excited to go to something where I will be busy parenting while I happened to be in the presence of lots of people I know – like a kid’s birthday party, a group meeting at a restaurant, or a family reunion. I have found I leave disappointed that I saw so many people I want to have meaningful contact with… but I just saw them, and it was too busy for the contact.

In fact, after a very upsetting Easter weekend, I’m feeling stubborn & a desire to NOT be in these settings. I would rather schedule a 2 family dinner with another family, or go take a great-grandma to lunch.

Does anyone else long for something different?

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