The last 16 months have been the saddest of my life. I entered a lostness that felt all consuming.
It was hard for me to understand, because it felt very bratty to be so sad. When we left Maine, God’s provision was clear – our Houston rental property sold and provided money to live without jobs, a coworker at my Houston job resigned and I was able to return to a job I love, we found a great rent house in the school district we wanted for the kids to be with their cousins.
But the darkness was still very complete for me.
Around Memorial Day, I found a church home at First Baptist Friendswood, and started to feel the light reentering. Once again, I could see so much provision by God – amazing, inclusive ministry to Darin and Arabella, church camp for Holden, people in the community who I would connect with and then see at church (I’m talking about you, Mollie!), and many more things.
But I was still in some darkness, maybe just the shadows.
I distinctly remember the first moment it felt like the sun was peaking through the clouds. I was in Sunday worship, and looking at the student ministry section where the junior high & high school students sit together, and I thought, “I would love to minister to them.” This was wonderful, since I felt like I would never be part of God’s work again, like He was done with me, and I was without purpose in His kingdom.
Little by little, the hope that I can be a part of His glory is returning.
He is making me whole.
(But I still miss Maine so much.)