Category Archives: My roles

Feeling stupid not generalizing

So this week, I had 2 typical experiences in new settings in close enough time, that they shined light on each other….

  1. Darin went to day camp and got in lots of trouble the 1st day. Then I figured out he didn’t have 1-on-1 support, that was added, and he was able to continue with daycamp.
  2. We tried putting Darin in a class at church, so we could listen to the sermon, and he lasted 10 mins… and Joel missed the rest of the service sitting in the hall with him.

And it clicked for me:
Church is the only setting where we try to put him in a class without 1-on-1 support, pretending in that setting he is typical.
We don’t do it at school, or day camp, or VBS.
But week after week, we are shocked it goes terrible at church.

Unfortunately, this realization was not accompanied by a solution.

Interestingly, the sermon at the church we visited today was about Act 6:1-13, where the 1st church had to address unmet needs within the church.

I wish this didn’t feel like a unique need that not everyone shares. I don’t want to be the one with the need.

What are other special needs kids doing within small churches?

A year in Maine

Have you ever been on a vacation & wished you could stay longer?

This year has been like an extended vacation for me. It’s my first year not to work full-time since Holden was 1 yr old.

It has truly been the best way to see Maine – river swimming in the summer, fire-building outside as the leaves change, hibernating for the winter in ‘Narnia’, and now watching the green & pink explode.
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But the best part has been getting to know the people here. They live and think distinctly different than I’ve ever lived. They value things I have never known.

While moving back and forth across the country was an expensive way to experience this, I am so thankful for this year.

Life Redesign – Goal 3: Begin spending time getting to know the hearts of women in my church – 1 month report & New Goal 5: Get consistent with bible study.

Mixed reviews on this one…

I have really enjoyed meeting for lunch with several ladies from church. I was really excited when I got invited to lunch with 3 ladies… I hadn’t realized how much initiating I had been doing.

Several ladies got together to plan a bible study. They are open to trying my beloved method through Kay Arthur’s Precept Ministries International of inductive bible study. But to do that, I’ve got to step up and lead it… which also means I have to keep up with my homework! I’ve spent my 10 years attending Precept bible studies at Houston’s First Baptist Church and Sagemont Church, and since I worked full-time, I never made myself do all the homework.
So this is good for me… I need to do the homework. I have the time. I need to make it important.
So we will be doing Matthew Chapters 1-13 for the next 8 weeks.20140205-102400.jpg

I guess this meets Goal 5: Get consistent with bible study

This month has also been hard. I have experience some spiritual attack that made me want to walk away. I have put myself out there and been criticized, and I realize it would be so much easier to leave the church work to Joel.

Then I must remember:
I was called to follow The Lord and minister with my life BEFORE Joel. Before kids.

I don’t have the option to turn away. Turning away will be like deciding not to be me.

Back to my organizing principle

Remembering why I need a life redesign:

On every level of life, from housework to heights of prayer, in all judgement and efforts to get things done, hurry and impatience are sure marks of the amateur.

quoted by Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, pg 66

A house full of people!

One thing that feels like a failure about my last “season” of life, the one between Basilica & now, was that we had a lonely house. Our neighborhood lacked kids, we never discovered which church friends would come over all the time, and honestly I hated my house.

I really noticed the absence of opportunities to practice hospitality!

I hoped & prayed it would be different as we changed seasons.

I am so happy that in the 2.5 days in my home, while it was in shambles, I’ve already had lots of visitors, kids running up & down the stairs, new friends for Darin, and laughter!

Thank you, Lord!

Deep vs wide

Lots of the time, I feel like I’m experiencing a different world that other people. Things that other people love are really uncomfortable for me.

I don’t know why. Or how to change it.

I love to know a lot about a subject – a friend, a hobby, a situation. Because of this, I think, I’ve always had about 3 good friends at a time. And I was confused when people could know tons of people a little bit, but still call them “friends”. I would think, “but y’all barely ever talk.” Friendship for me requires intense intimacy. I call this a desire for depth.

Recently, the place this causes distress for me is large social events. I don’t feel interested or excited to go to something where I will be busy parenting while I happened to be in the presence of lots of people I know – like a kid’s birthday party, a group meeting at a restaurant, or a family reunion. I have found I leave disappointed that I saw so many people I want to have meaningful contact with… but I just saw them, and it was too busy for the contact.

In fact, after a very upsetting Easter weekend, I’m feeling stubborn & a desire to NOT be in these settings. I would rather schedule a 2 family dinner with another family, or go take a great-grandma to lunch.

Does anyone else long for something different?

Book: Is There Anybody Out There?: A Journey from Despair to Hope

I happened upon a book in our Kindle app, Is There Anybody Out There?: A Journey from Despair to Hope by Mez McConnell…
I asked Joel about it and he didn’t even recall where it was from.

It ended up being a message to my weary soul.

This book is the life story of Mez, who grew up on the European version of ‘the projects’. It’s a little rough to read about his childhood… Abuse, neglect, invisibility.

But it was a slap in the face consistent with my current Precepts bible study of Romans. When Mez was introduced to the Gospel, the church he was introduced into was Law, not Grace. And as someone constantly evaluating how to be a church leader, it was a serious reminder what it feels like to enter a church culture that expects right behavior by flesh, without waiting for the Spirit to do a work.